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I've always found solace in the written form of language. When I was younger simply writing via text message, email, ect. granted me a reprieve from the anxiety of asking tough personal questions face-to-face. You almost never shutter or stumble over your words when anxiety strikes while you are writing. Although your penmanship may become a bit shaky as your pan slips in your now sweaty hands.
Since my incarceration in Feb. 2018 writing has--- by necessity--- become a more permanent form of communication for me. Being forced to pick up a pen has only brought me to enjoy expressing my thoughts on paper all the more.
I was only 19 when I was arrested on charges of murder. I was at an age between becoming an adult at 18 & truly becoming a man at 21. Majority of the Free World was still a mystery to me and then I was forced to enter a new world I knew nothing about. Of course, with time this changed as I educated myself on the world behind bars.
When my lawyer finally came to me after nearly two years in the county jail & recommended I accept the prosecution's latest plea offer of 24 yrs in IDOC, I was devastated. Who wouldn’t be devastated to hear they would lose 24 years of their freedom? No amount of mental preparation could completely prepare you for that. But before I even got on the phone that night to call my family, I had strengthened my resolve and decided I would go do this time and come home a better, stronger version of myself.
Of course, my incarceration is only a small portion of my complicated story.
Like so many others my childhood had periods of instability & strife. But these are all things I'll reserve to discuss with those I connect with. Whether our correspondence is merely friendly or deeply intimate.
How to talk about my sexuality without inner anxiety & fear of outward rejection has always been a struggle for me. I know it's soon a cliche, but I never quite knew how to “break the news” to someone. Then someone told me being gay may indeed be a part of my personality, maybe even a major part, but it's not necessary what defines me. At first, I couldn’t quite grasp what this man was telling me, but eventually it clicked. There are so many more interesting aspects of my personality that, most times, outshine my sexuality.
For instance; I'm witty, sarcastic & have an extremely dry sense of humor. I have a kind heart and do my best to help others. I have been places & done things that had nothing to do with me being attracted to men. So now I ask myself, why worry about the small fact of myself?
Now that I've said all this you can probably guess I am looking to write to other men. Or maybe you already knew this because of the boxes I checked. But to all the women out there, I'll always welcome good conversation & friendship. As long as you are kind-hearted and have good intentions that is.
I'm not looking for any specific “type” of person to write to me. I'm looking to hear from a diverse group of people. I will let you know a couple of things, though.
First age is truly just a number to me, it's nearly inconsequential. It simply lets me know how many times the Earth has revolved around the sun since you came to be.
Second, there is nothing wrong with an old-fashioned man who takes chivalry seriously. I definitely wouldn't mind a man opening doors for me and pulling out my chair. I may even encourage it.
Finally, who doesn’t love someone with a sense of adventure? I certainly wouldn't mind a spur of the moment weekend away.
Please don't think these are things you must have to write to me. The truth is, I don't know what my Mr. Right will look like & I'd be a fool to throw away someone simply because they enjoy frequenting familiar places and don't want to pull out my chair.
I'm hoping to hear from all walks of life and hopefully you'll wind up being one of them.
I look forward to finding out.