Type of ad - Personal |
Platinum
Ad Start Date 12-13-08 Ad Expiration Date 04-04-10
Site Search Info
Sex - Male
DOB - 11/19/75
Seeking - Friends
Race - Hispanic
Religion -
Convicted Of - Capital Murder
Release Date - LIFE
I often think of my life as a
maze. It's like those wrong choices that lead you to a wrong path.
Paths that bring you back to the same point or a dead end... it's like not
learning your lesson or learning new ones only to forget others. For a
person like me, only time has given me the wisdom to make those right
choices.If you look up my name the main theme will be negativism and understandably so, as it's difficult to untangle the feelings aroused by such horrible crime. Therefore some may say that I gave them a reason to; I say it's a bizarre way of speaking for me. Only I can speak for me. Just like only you can speak for yourself. Only you know how you feel and who you are... if it doesn't come from you, then it's just a projection of their image of you.
Hey look... I had no right doing what I did in the first place! So I have no problem telling you I deserved these years I have been in prison. That's one side of me; the other side of me is saying that's enough.
For the record: I am not a murderer - never murdered anybody in my life! Though I have been to Death Row - and for 12 years - but being sent there had nothing to do with being a murderer. It was merely with the purpose to appease the people. And if I may... it is why I oppose the death penalty, because it's used for the wrong reasons. I'm not here to debate you - I'm not going to carry that role. What I will say about Death Row is that, for me, it's over with! I remember the words of a good friend who told me right after I left that place "The good news is that futility dipped hope has proven stronger than death - you live."
Let me share a couple of little stories with you. I remember when I was a kid and how I would run errands with my grandmother - we used to walk a lot! There were many times that we walked downtown where there was a fire station along the way and I would find it very fascinating! The main attraction seemed to be the big trucks with all the lights and gadgets. I remember being so mesmerized that I would suddenly see myself sliding down the pole, jumping into the truck, and speeding off to save somebody. It was so amazing that it made me want to be a firefighter.
I also remember crossing the border into Mexico with her and on the way back there was an old immigration officer waiting to interrogate me :) Are you an American citizen? What’s your school/teacher's name? etc. I recall that after a couple of times of going through the routine, it built my confidence and as that happened there was something in the "Yes sir, I'm an American citizen!" that made me feel good.
I'm sharing these short stories with you because somewhere in the wilderness of society I lost my sense of purpose, of being and doing something positive in life. And as trivial as you may deem these stories to be, when you consider a crime, you can't dismiss them! You can't dismiss them because there are stories behind every kid that commits a crime - it's part of the puzzle.
You have the right, and naturally so, to be angry and confused with the senselessness of a crime. But if you notice, when you occupy yourself solely in being judgmental, you only focus on the damage. Your social dialogue then becomes aggressive and you attack, instead of actually trying to get to the root of the problem. Am I wrong?
Before a kid decides to be a gang member, to pick up a gun, to murder, before he becomes violent and lost, that kid has a natural drive to serve a purpose... to do good, respectful, and inspired by all the good things. It can even be traced back to his infancy.
It's quite hilarious - there's a picture of me where I'm on top of the hood of a car and I'm about 4 years old. I have Superman underwear on, a wooden clothespin holding a towel around my neck as a cape and holding a stick up in the air. My memory is a bit blurry with this one, but I can tell by the picture that I was busy trying to save the world. What kid doesn't relate to that?
If you're an American, you have to be concerned with what is happening with youth in this country - get involved! Don't let the media inject you with cynicism. Get involved in social programs - ask your questions and see how you can help. Get your answers and learn how to dissect. Become a mentor and help that kid keep that spark alive... every parent in America knows a kid wants to be a policeman before he wants to be a gang member.
As for me? I don't know - I honestly don't know! I have this ugly life sentence and my battles to defeat. I'll be 34 in November... been in prison since I was 17. It's been crazy! So let me tell you: My journey has been part Socratic. Regardless of where I've been, where I'm at, and what's up ahead; regardless of such an oppressive system, degradation and constant judgment... it's been my duty to stand against those elements of discouragement and better myself.
When I reflect, of course at times I get mad at myself, I feel ashamed and it saddens me. As tired as I get of being in here, I have to keep going! It's like this... I'm chasing dreams, ideas, and words such as redemption. Thank you for your time.
Respectfully,
Efrain Perez # 1306199
Stiles Unit
3060 F M 3514
Beaumont, TX 77705 USA
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