Type of ad - Personal |
Platinum
Ad Start Date 03-06-09 Ad Expiration Date 03-06-10
Site Search Info
Sex - Male
DOB - 01/26/78
Seeking - Women
Race - Caucasian
Religion -
Convicted Of - 1st Degree Armed Robbery
Release Date - 07/03/11
Q And A Session
Q: For starters, Who are you?
A: My name is Caleb Hall. I am a 31 year old, single, heterosexual male. I am 6' tall, weigh 190 lbs., and have bright blue green-eyes and light brown hair. I was barely 20 years old when I got into trouble for the first, last, and only time in my life. I've since been incarcerated, and have about two years remaining on my mandatory minimum sentence.
Q: Okay, but who are you really?
A: I am a loyal son, brother, and uncle twice over, a hard-working, full-time college student and prison yard worker, a passionate soccer player, poet, and writer, an adorer of movies, music, and reading and an all around pretty cool guy.
Q: What convinced you to try out Prison Pen Pals.Com?
A: Not long ago, I received their unsolicited brochure in the mail. Out of curiosity, I read a little bit of the information contained therein, and suddenly a thought struck me like a full-bloom rose. I wondered, could this be the medium through which I am destined to find true love?
Q: So, you are a true love seeker?
A: True love, and true friendship
Q: Define true friendship
A: A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
Q: Define true love.
A: To me, true love is true friendship set on fire. It's an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desire. If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst forth at once in the sky, that would be the splendor of love.
Q: Why Prison Pen Pals.Com? Why now?
A: Because fortune favors the brave.
Q: Let's travel back in time a bit. Tell me about your crime.
A: Simply put, I was forever most divinely in the wrong. I was running with a pack of wolves along the precipice of an angry volcano. Inevitably, that angry volcano erupted, and everyone involved got burned. I sincerely regret the part that I played. I don't condone robbery, or any form of criminal behavior. I was a sad and troubled youth, and wasn't thinking clearly. I'm just glad no one was physically harmed during the ordeal, and that I've grown and matured from that troubled youth into the confident, well-adjusted man I am today.
Q: How did your first day of prison make you feel?
A: Just between you and me, I remember having felt like a snowflake in an avalanche. I was distilled almost to jelly with the act of fear.
Q: How would you describe your prison environment now?
A: I'd say that I'm living in a fool's paradise, although I've long since shed my own fool's skin. I now realize that the vast majority of my fellow inmates can't open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. And I might as well be a goldfish in a glass bowl for all the privacy I have in here. But, I do get regular visits from my family, and I'm working hard toward achieving a college degree. I guess you have to take the bad with the good, just as in any situation.
Q: What is the worst part about being in prison?
A: That there is no dance. And there is only the dance.
Q: By dance, do you mean an opportunity to experience love?
A: Love. Romance. Intimacy. Companionship. A warm body to keep me warm at night.
Q: What do you hope to get out of life?
A: I just want to be happy. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. It is also a perfume which you can't pour on someone else without getting some on yourself.
Q: What do you fear in life?
A: I fear that there will be no end to the withering of withered flowers, that I'll search the far corners of the universe and fail to find true love. I fear that she who is meant for me and whom I am most assuredly meant for in turn might read this ad and not reply. I fear the everlasting No. In which case, I fear I may never smile again.
Q: What kind of woman are you looking for?
A: A woman at whose sight all the stars would hide their diminished heads. But even more so than aesthetic beauty, I am attracted to kindness, sensuality, loyalty, originality, wit, humor and a woman's feminine nature.
Q: And whom would you like to avoid during this search?
A: Skim milk masquerading as cream, aka any woman who misrepresents herself.
Q: And why would a woman who embodies the virtues you described be drawn to you?
A: Because I am a lost angel of a ruined paradise, waiting to be found by such a one as she.
Q: Here is a totally random question. How's your health?
A: I have all of my teeth, if that's what you mean. I exercise regularly. I take care of myself. I don't smoke or use drugs, but I'm not judgemental of others who might. Also, I'm not gang-affiliated, and I've found that it's done wonders for my health.
Q: Final question. What would you say to your soul mate if you knew she was reading this ad right now?
A: I would say, "Sweet girl, I am not now in fortune's favor. I've done what I can to bring us together. You alone possess the singular, extraordinary power capable of shortening the distance between us. All I ask is that you give us a chance to explore and discover the delicate intricacies of one another. I believe we have both been on lonely journeys without each other, and that lonely journeys end when lovers meet. What else is there is to say but everything?"
Calab Hall # 12714060
Oregon State Penitentiary
2605 State Street
Salem, OR 97310 USA
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